Archive for the ‘Utah’ Category

22
Jun

What happened?

   Posted by: Kertap   in Utah

There is a place in Utah called The Hotel, formerly know as Shaggy’s. Crazy stuff happens in this place. I believe Shaggy’s is under new management, hence the name change. One of the improvements that has been added is what I like to call the wall of time.

Every night at smack bang 12:30 the wall of Time displays the message

Last Call in 30:00 mins
. Needless to say this results in every Irish man in the place (that would be me and johnny) panicking as they realise they only have 30 short minutes to get in the rest of the drink for the night. As you can imagine this can make for some messy situations and/or entertaining stories.

The first time this happened there was a lot of demanding in loud voices that the barmaid remember “Us Irish Guys”. I also remember asking that same barmaid why she got the tattoo’s she did.

Before we went to The Hotel the next night, we stopped off in Murphy’s. It was a saturday night and didn’t appear to be that busy. We say at the end of the bar and got talking to a guy named Todd who was a trucker from florida. He wasn’t exactly a trucker any more, as he has stopped driving and now just does the loading and unloading for a removal company. After a few pints in Murphy’s Todd decided to move on to another place. He talked me and another guy from saudi arabia into going with him and I talked John into going with us (I think John was scared of Todd). We went to The Hotel and after a bottle of beer decided to call it a night.

The last time we went to The Hotel, which was when I wrote that last post, we went to the Port O’Call. Mostly out of fear of meeting Todd. We sat near a TV and discussed various things including the pros and cons of getting some sort of ninja tattoo. Then at around 11:30 we left for The Hotel. The actual Hotel door had a massive queue but the Elevate door which is just another door to The Hotel had a small queue. One of the bouncers there asked us were he knew us from. Unable to tell him he let us go with a “Come to me next time and you’ll get in faster as VIP’s”. I think he did any way the beers were clouding my brain.

Once in the Hotel I went to the jacks were I was surprised to see a bathroom attendant. I think I gave him a $10 tip by accident.

Out at the bar Johnny was ordering 2 bottles of Bud. While he was doing that I was staring at the two girls dancing together on top of the woofer. The women love the woofer. Eventually Johnny got served. At some stage someone suggested shots and then it all went pear shaped.

I remember the clock starting, taking ages to get served and Johnny coming up to me to say that he was going to get his own drinks. I then remember drinking two Gin and Juice fast enough to nearly get sick. After calming down the gag reflex I went back to the bar. I had noticed on a previous trip that they sold Killians and I aimed to get some. The tattooed Barmaid was working and I went to her area. A girl infront of me got served and I prepared to slide into her place when I heard a “Hey, Hey” behind me and some guy cut a head. Shocked, that a person from Crowded Bar Land such as myself could have such an amateur moved pulled on him I used the age old technique of “The Hand on the Bar” to ensure my place in the line. It turned out that such a move was not required as the tattoo girl remembered me (I think) and got my order.

With the sweet nectar that is killians now firmly in my grasp I returned to my previous position near the Dancing Girls on the Woofer. John told me that two women had asked him to by them a drink (I think they did it seperately). He didn’t not realising things are different here in America. I then proceeded to tell him and every one else in the club that “It’s all about the number”. John went somewhere and I dropped my pint on the floor. Seeing as how they had stopped serving and we had bud light in the fridge we decided to leave.

When we arrived back at the apartment we listened to some music on Johnny’s computer and possibly woke the downstairs neighbours. After that I went and wrote that post then i fell asleep.

That was my saturday night. Who knows what’s going to happen this weekend. I’m renting a car to kind of get back in the swing of things and to go look at cars that are for sale. More on that later.

6
Jun

Cursing

   Posted by: Kertap   in Utah

Before I came over to America one of the big things that I was worried about was cursing. After all I curse a lot. Especially when I am in a social situation. I figured (correctly) that Mormons wouldn’t curse.

Instead of Damn they say Dang. And I think that’s the worst I heard coming out of a Mormon. Imagine my surprise when I heard that two of my mormon friends where fans of Sublime. The thing about sublime is that they aren’t exactly the most wholesome band going. They liberally use bad language in their songs and well… here’s the lyrics to the first verse of Wrong Way.

annie's 12 years old in two more 
she'll be a whore, nobody ever told
her it's the wrong way. don't be 
afraid with the quickness you get 
laid for your family gets paid it's 
the wrong way. 

What’s a bad language hating, good music loving Mormon to do. Why remove the bad language of course. And that’s exactly what one of them did. He also reorganized the album so that all the songs that had objectionable content like the above were removed from the album Sublime.

Apparently this was so well done you couldn’t tell the difference. It wasn’t. See for yourself. here are two mp3′s. The first is What I Got (The Mormon Remix), the second is What I Got (original).

Listen to the first one and tell me if you can see where the bad language has been removed. If you can post it in the comments.

18
May

If you can see this…

   Posted by: Kertap   in Utah

Then my time travel device worked. Right this minute that this is visible, I am travelling a car/van to Zions National Park. There I shall be walking a great distance, through water and up mountains to look over cliffs. It will be brown like the desert and I expect to get thirsty in the 100 degree heat. In fact it is going to get so hot on friday it has been recommended that we soak all my clothes before we head out.

After Zions I continue my pilgrimage to that most unholy place known to as Las Vegas to the layman and as that place I married that chick to the minister in charge of keeping it real.

I shall be careful to not lose my shirt in vegas but I can’t guarantee it. My shirt is hawaiin and from what I hear, it here may be swallowed up by the carpet. But fear not, I shall not go shirtless as I have many a T-Shirt.

16
May

The Bible and the Trax.

   Posted by: Kertap   in Utah

The first time I saw a Bible Traxer I was mildly shocked and very intrigued. I couldn’t help staring. Here was a guy in the middle of a Tram, completely oblivious to the rest of the world, reading the bible.

Reading the bible really isn’t that big a thing. I read genesis when I was younger. I read the abridged version in the religion book so I read it in the bible to get a rounder picture of the story. It was pretty good so I kept going for a while. The deceptively thin pages wore on my patience. I’d read 20 – 30 pages and they would only be a few milimeters thick. I like to see some progress. I had other books that needed reading so read them I did. I know mike read revelations and I do plan to read that as it sounds very entertaining.

So if I’ve read the bible (not all of it) and my brother has read the bible (again not all of it) what was so strange about this.

Maybe it was the underlined paragraphs and little liner notes. I think it got me thinking about a story I heard about an old aquaintance who was known as AAA. AAA was living in Ireland and his mother would send him books. Apparently said books would contain underlined sections and notes in the liner. These notes contained the battiest interpretations that were possible. And AAA loved them.

I wondered if this bible with it’s underlined passages contained the same crazy interpretations. Or maybe the guy was just studying the book to get really good quotes for telling people right before shooting them.

17
Apr

Hockey, Lobsters and Fireworks

   Posted by: Kertap   in Utah

Sorry I haven’t posted lately. Been busy doing… am… stuff.

First Stuff. Went skiing last weekend. The sun was shining in the sky. The sun was shining in the snow. The sun was every where. It was very bright so skiing goggles where required. Unfortunately so was sun screen. No one had sun screen. There was some burning. More on that later.

Second Stuff. We went to a hockey match. Hockey rocks. It’s really fast and there does be fights. Heres a picture of some guy getting checked against the glass.

Hockey Check
We were pretty close to the ice and there was a check right in front of us but I didn’t have the camera to hand at the time. Look how close we were.
Hockey Tussle

Back to the sunburn. J 2 the G got burnt bad. It was tough enough to get a picture of him in his burnt state but I managed. Usually by catching him by surprise. Here are two examples.

Johnny G After Johnny G After2

Click on a picture for a better look.

Stuff 3. Went to a Salt Lake Bees baseball game. They won 6 – 1. Mostly because of bad pitching by the other teams pitcher. There was fireworks afterwards.

Baseball Fireworks

PS. I am so going to pay for this.

16
Mar

Snow Storm continued

   Posted by: Kertap   in Utah


snow storm 1
Originally uploaded by Kertap.

I added this picture and the last picture from flickr.

Go here to check out my flickr page. Or click on the photo to go directly to it.

16
Mar

Snow Storm

   Posted by: Kertap   in Utah


snow storm 2
Originally uploaded by Kertap.

I finally got a camera. I took this picture yesterday morning before I went to work.

It tooke me ages to get as far as the trax. A walk that usually takes me 5 minutes took me fifteen.

I couldn’t see where the path was becuase every where looked the same.

When I did eventually get on the tram my coat was covered in ice.

Madness.

12
Mar

Johnny is small and not a stud like me

   Posted by: Kertap   in Utah

Disclaimer. I assure you officer I’ve only had a few ales.

So we went to the best club in the world tonight. I’m just back. Seriously. Awesome place. There were actual black guys rapping and loads of hot chicks. There was beer. Absolutely everything that you could want from a club.

This whole being irish trick is class. Honestly. “I’m Irish” works as a chat up line down here. Which is class. I’m a stud.

We didn’t steal anything this week. Random Shit here. Maybe we should have. Like a five.

28
Feb

Snow

   Posted by: Kertap   in Utah

I see it snowed in Ireland. If you can call it snow. It’s more like what the eskimos call anui. Which literally means light layer of snow which melts quickly in the morning because it’s spring. The snow we get here in Salt Lake is incredibly light and dry so that it doesn’t stick together and create Ice. This is called muruaneq which is eskimonese for snow that doesn’t hurt when you fall on it but takes about 10 minutes to move 6 ft’ because it’s up to your hips and you can forget about trying to put your ski’s back on that takes ages. Seriously. That’s what it means.

9
Feb

Work Craziness

   Posted by: Kertap   in Utah

As I write this I am in a bed in a hotel in boston.

Can you believe. I certainly can’t.

I had a nice flight. It left early. If arrived early. And my bag was one of the first on the carousel.

I had no problems checking in.

The only problem with all this is that I’m not going to be able to see the Harlem Globetrotters on monday night like I had planned to.

Oh Well.

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